I am so tired

I started school a few weeks ago and I am loving it. I love being a stay at home mom but it is also nice to use my mind for adult thought.
I am so tired lately. Being the mother of small children is trying at times. I feel like they gang up on me. I am so grateful that God loves me enough to carry me through from one season to another.
Cas is going to start a new job. I hope that he will be happy. I know he was not happy working with his dad. We all got to feel how unhappy he was every day after he got off of work. He was becoming verbally abusive. I turn to God in those times. Again, he is the only one that can carry me through.
I am currently into Kings in the Bible. I wish I had some of Solomons wisdom. What are the gifts God has instilled in me? What does he have planned for my life? I want to know. I am going to get ready to have my patriarichal blessing. I feel that will be the compass I need.
I really wish my brothers were living here in Idaho. They lighten my load with laughter.
I find myself saying I wish a lot. Maybe that is my problem I wish too much. I need to be more appreciative of where I am at and what I am doing now. I will focus on this and see how my spirit feels.

Music, Mind and Soul: Struggling for peace.#links#links#links#links#links#links

Music, Mind and Soul: Struggling for peace.#links#links#links#links#links#links

Struggling for peace.

So I have found lately that inner peace with God is what I desire most in this world. Let me tell you what a journey this is turning out to be. It is definitely teaching me infinite patience for my children. I am so grateful to be a woman in these latter days. I am so grateful that the Lord prepared a way for me to join him again in Jesus Christ. I am just recently starting to understand the love of God for me. How freeing a feeling it is. Am I perfect? No. Do I need to repent daily? You bet, but just like I love my children, God loves me. Perfectly and forever God loves me. I can give all my stress my worry, my anger, my ultimate anxieties and He will carry me through from one season in my life to another. How great Thou art.

1 Peter 5:5-7 ...All of you, clothe yourself with humility toward one another. because "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

No matter what you think feel or negative about yourself, it is not true, This scripture is proof of the love the Lord has for all of us. He loves us so much he will take away the very things that frustrate our lives and cause the devil to have some part of our joy. He says he will take away our anxieties. I don't know of any drug any pill any drink that can offer that promise and keep that promise for your whole lifetime. You are not losing you are gaining, when you devote yourself to God. Remember that.

Oh How Sunday Refreshes My Heart.

I love Sundays. I get to chill with the fam. My husband is off work and I get to connect with God and myself. This is my day for smooth jazz. It releases any anxiety I might have, so that I can start the week fresh.
Today in church we got to talk about the crucifixion of Christ. When you lay out all the the ways he was verbally and physically abused to complete this task, it makes you realize how loved I am in this world. He did all of that for me and for you. Now I am not trying to get on a Christian soap box( because I have a long way to go in trying to perfect my own flaws). I just am grateful is all. I feel blessed. I feel blessed to be a Christian and I feel blessed to be loved no matter how good or bad I am. It is comforting to know that no matter what the world thinks of me I can turn to scripture and see in writing what the Lord thinks of me.

A quiet mind is a peaceful soul.

I am so tired but can not seem to sleep. It is nice when the kids go to bed and I can just sit and listen to music and read magazines.
I feel like it is the only time of day I grab the concept "reality is only perception" and for that small moment my reality is worry free meditative bliss.

I am so tired.

I am a mother of four children under four. Sometimes I wonder if they will ever age. Then when they do, I am sad that my babies are growing up. Kind of neurotic I know.


I just moved to this small rural area in Idaho where there is no real avenues of culture ( I feel). There is no B.E.T, no anything but caucasion. Now I am half black and half white, so before you start yelling reverse racism, I am not saying that it's all bad here. I just occasionally need some smooth jazz to mellow my spirit or some gangsta rap if I'm feeling onry with the world. Hell I would settle for anything but NPR.


I have never done this before so I am entirely clueless as to how this works.


Well, until next time.